Team Work .....and how not to

I've come here this morning to tell you
'Bout team-work and how it is done
Like soccer or cricket match players
All working together as one

You can't climb a mountain without it
It's used by the whole human race
There's one or two things you can do by yourself
But you can't win a three legged race

But enough of this flowery rubbish
We'll get down to cases and fact
'Bout team-work  and working together
And how Harry was caught in the act

Now taking the case of young Harry
(I don't think he's here so I'll tell)
How Harry could cause you more bother
Than Satan could cause you in Hell

He didn't need team did this lad
'cept when he was doing a house
Besides none of his mates would trust him
Even his dad said he was a bit of a louse

He would get in to school for assembly
And leave after getting his mark
He didn't like twagging in town though
He'd spend his day touring the park

Now some people are naturally honest
But he was a natural thief
I'll not say was bad but if you spoke to the lad
He'd probably nick your false teeth

Well team-work was not Harry's forte
To help others he wasn't too keen
But when it came to shop-lifting
He decided to set up a team

There was "Hawk-eye" kept look-out for Harry
Trouble was he would stutter some t.t.t.times
And when he had to shout "There's a copper about!"
He'd panic and forget all his lines

Young Eric did all of the running
When Harry slipped him the goods from the shops
But poor fellow suffered from asthma
And he ran out of wind before cops

Little Florrie (a charming young lady)
Would cause a diversion in store
And while she'd scream and shout
He'd run about seeing what there was there he could score

The team worked quite well saving failures
When Hawkeye forgot what to say
Or Eric fell over a tortoise
(It'd been following him around all that day)

Or when Florrie failed to distract them
By throwing a fit on the floor
And customers stood about clapping
Saying "Have you done acting before?"

But this team didn't have any direction
They turned over Mother Care twice
From a Chinese they nicked 50 chopsticks
And who wants  six  pound of fried rice?

(If you ever get stuck with an assembly about teamwork
,like I once did,..........please use,)

But with team-work they came to agreement
That they'd shoplift to order for mates
You could order a left handed door-knob
Or a set of antique china plates

All requests were dealt with quite promptly
Harry gave discount on fees
The good went quite well but you never could tell
He didn't supply guarantees

Business picked up for these "tea leaves"
And the local police noticed the thefts
But it caused quite a stir when young Florrie went there
And said "Gentlemen... any requethsths?"

"Ere what does lass mean?" said the sergeant
Looking at Florrie with fear
"I've heard that she has a record
She's not going to play it in here"

I work for "You want and we get it "
Our motto's "There's no job too small"
Whatever you need we can get it with speed
If you want 'out just give us a call

Now the sergeant looked cross eyed at Florrie
But remembered his manners all same
And said  "Nay lass there's nowt you can do
To help lads with tomorrow's big game"

"What's on tomorrow?" said Florrie
(At times she could sound quite posh)
The sergeant said "Lads want to play football
And their jerseys are all in the wash

Florrie smiled and said that she could fix it
They sorted out details right there
She arranged to meet sergeant at midnight
Under the clock in the square

Now Harry found the order quite easy to fill
In Rovers club house at half time
Dressed as a grounds man he snaffled the gear
Before the ball left the touch-line

When the sarge saw the jumpers By he was pleased
Said "Ee Harry you've saved us a match
We  play against Rovers tomorrow at three
Now some of you may see the catch

It didn't take long for the police force to twig
Where Harry had found all the vests
At two minutes passed three on the day of the match
"The police had made several arrests"

A police team was sent to find Harry in Park
And they grabbed him before he had left
Harry came clean and he grassed on the team
And the sarge charged them all with grand theft

Now Harry does team-work on mail bags inside
Using yarn strong as this one I'm spinning
So before you use team-work you've got to decide
You must join a team that is winning.