Am I the only sane person left or has advertising suddenly gone mad? Do you stare at the TV screen night after night like me saying “What the hell was that all about?” just after some strange array of people have thrust a blend of colours and gimmicks at you? Where do these advertising people live? I imagine this penthouse somewhere in London where this totally isolated person lives holding a cell-phone in one hand and a fax-book in the other saying “Ya Ya that’ll work”. Then, just like ‘Derwent’ in “Bewitched”, offering a display to a group of bloated old bosses that haven’t even seen their customers who say… “I like it” The next day we are assailed by some meaningless dribble that says more for the advertisers taste in women than it does for the product he’s pushing. Isn’t it time they woke up and started to get to the point? I’m Joe Public I’m the one that wants to buy it. Screaming at me to tell me insurance costs are “Just stupid” just affirms my belief. It doesn’t make me leap out and buy them. All these happy women running around in white trousers when they probably feel more like crawling under a rock! Ladies, in South America the tribal women have you beat, they just slope off to the long-house for a few days and smoke strange substances till they feel better.

 Animated telephones that leap at you before breakfast and turn on the TV telling you how to solve your financial problems. Are we really this gullible? Do we really live in the same world?. Ladies, when’s the last time you smiled sweetly when your son came home with a bag full of dirty washing at the week end? Lets look at this a little closer. Imagine I’m from another planet and I’ve been ‘monitoring’ the broadcasts recently.

Observation1:- Women are quite silly and can’t cope with simple chores like house work.
Evidence1:- They have been buying the wrong washing powder for years and any other member of the family has more nous when it comes to shopping for a washing powder that not only does the original job and soften the clothes but costs less.
Evidence2:- Husbands can easily fool them by buying an advanced brand of kitchen cleaner that does the task in half the time and allow them extra time in the bath and extra credits as a hard worker.
Evidence3:-The drab, boring thing they married is suddenly transformed into the most desirable thing since sliced bread if he starts washing his new car.
Evidence4:- Women often slope off to the “races” with hubby’s fishing reel and take part in an “absorbing” race that involves drying the floor.
Evidence 5:- They frequently park their cars in the middle of the road to go shopping for the evening meal. Then spend the time preparing it attached to a ‘phone line.
The same observations could be made for men, They are incapable of making simple meals and doing the house work. They live under the misapprehension that failure to clean the last dish will obviate them from further washing up. They constantly repair cars wearing very fashionable “modern fabrics” and live in strange garrets supplied only with a seat and a television with a hostile sound system. Let’s face it we don’t fare well in the average TV advert.

What’s happened to advertising?
I must admit that a lot of recent advertising has left me wondering if they are simply trying to brain wash us into buying. They outlawed subliminal advertising some time ago. That’s advertising by flashing pictures on the screen so fast you fail to “consciously” notice it. They say that method of selling or suggestion is so powerful you could get the entire population to stop smoking overnight. I suppose a lot of people would think that would be useful. However the next night they may suggest we all go out and vote for a particular party or buy a particular product. Well they may not be allowed to use subliminal advertising but they seem to think that annoying us by turning the volume up and throwing strange surreal concepts at us that we will be motivated Into becoming a user.

Where have all the jingles gone?
Remember when adverts really made their point? They gave you clever jungles, little catch phrases they made you remember the product. True, we still have some catch phrases around but I must admit they seem poor, forced attempts; people patting pockets; making “twee” comments about breakfast cereals. They don’t seem to have the panache the old ones had when beanz meanz …… or Drinka Pinta…… and so forth. Tea companies would entice you with “The Morning Music”; Opera signers would do arias about ice-cream and the world was filled with the sound of jingles.

Nowadays the product seems to get lost in quick asides that have little relevance to the topic I still remember the jingle they used with the last name and the new name isn’t going to make anyone’s “mouth water”.